I used to make promises to myself every morning that I’d break by noon.
It was a painful cycle. I wanted to be a man of my word, someone who was healthy, productive, and strong in his faith. But my actions told a different story. The gaming console would call my name, the junk food would win, and another day would slip by with nothing to show for it. I felt fractured, like the person I wanted to be was a stranger to the person I actually was.
That gap between our intentions and our actions is where integrity is lost. But the good news is, it's also where it can be built, one small choice at a time. Integrity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being whole. It’s about your words, thoughts, and actions all pointing in the same direction. It took me years of struggle, losing over 110 pounds, and completely rebuilding my life to understand this.
Building integrity is a journey, not a destination. It’s a quiet, daily practice. Here are ten ways I’ve learned to foster it in my own life.
1. Keep Your Promises to Yourself
This is where it all starts. If you can’t trust yourself, how can anyone else? I used to promise myself I’d quit gaming or eat better, then fail spectacularly. The problem was my promises were too big. Integrity is built on small, kept promises. Instead of “I’ll never eat junk food again,” start with “I will eat a healthy breakfast today.” Instead of “I’ll work out for an hour,” try “I will go for a 10-minute walk after lunch.” Each time you keep a small promise, you cast a vote for the person you want to become. You build self-trust.
2. Define Your Core Values
You can’t live a life of integrity if you don’t know what you stand for. What truly matters to you? Take a few minutes and think about it. For me, my values are my Orthodox Christian faith, my family’s well-being, my health, and personal responsibility. When I face a decision, I can measure it against these values. Does this choice align with my faith? Does it honor my family? Does it support my health? This simple check makes decisions clearer and keeps me on track.
3. Tell the Truth Even When It’s Hard
Honesty is the bedrock of integrity. This means more than just avoiding big lies. It means not making excuses, not exaggerating to make yourself look better, and not telling “little white lies” to avoid a moment of discomfort. Being truthful, especially when it’s inconvenient, builds a solid character. It shows others and yourself that you can be counted on.
4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
When I was stuck in unhealthy habits, I had a long list of excuses. I was tired, stressed, or bored. I blamed my circumstances for my choices. True integrity begins when you stop blaming and start taking ownership. You chose to hit snooze. You chose to eat the cake. You chose to waste the evening. It might sound harsh, but it's incredibly empowering. When you own your choices, you also own the power to change them.
5. Surround Yourself with People of Integrity
You become like the people you spend the most time with. If your friends are lazy, gossip, or cut corners, it’s going to be much harder for you to live differently. Find people who inspire you to be better. Seek out friends who are honest, reliable, and working towards their own goals. Their good habits will rub off on you, and their encouragement will lift you up when you stumble.
6. Do the Right Thing When No One is Watching
This is the classic test of character. It’s easy to be good when you have an audience. But what about when you’re all alone? Do you return the shopping cart to the corral? Do you admit a mistake that no one else would have noticed? Do you put in an honest effort when the boss isn’t around? These small, unseen acts are what truly forge integrity. They are a conversation between you and your conscience.
7. Practice Humility
Integrity and pride cannot coexist. Pride tells you that you’re better than others, that you have it all figured out. Humility, a core virtue in my Orthodox faith, reminds us that we are all flawed and in need of grace. A person with integrity is quick to admit when they are wrong and eager to learn from others. They don't need to be the smartest person in the room. They just need to be honest and teachable.
8. Align Your Actions with Your Faith
For me, integrity is deeply connected to my Christian Orthodox faith. It’s about more than just a set of rules; it’s about striving to live a life that reflects God’s love and truth. This is a daily struggle. I fail often. But my faith provides a compass. It calls me to repentance, which in Orthodoxy isn’t just feeling sorry, but a "metanoia"—a complete change of mind and heart. It's about turning away from sin and back towards God, again and again. My faith isn’t a source of pride, but a source of strength to get back up every time I fall.
9. Be Reliable and Consistent
Do what you say you will do. If you tell a friend you’ll help them move, show up. If you promise a colleague a report by Friday, deliver it. Reliability seems like a small thing, but it’s huge. It proves that your word means something. This consistency was the secret to my weight loss and building a productive life. It wasn't one heroic workout; it was thousands of consistent choices to walk, to eat well, and to work in focused bursts, day after day.
10. Forgive Yourself and Start Again
You will mess up. You will break a promise to yourself. You will say something you regret. You will fall back into an old habit. In that moment, integrity is not lost. It's tested. The person of integrity doesn’t wallow in guilt or give up. They acknowledge the failure, they repent, and they start again. God’s mercy is new every morning. Your resolve can be too. Don’t let one mistake derail your entire journey.
Building a life of integrity isn’t a quick fix. It’s the slow, steady work of a lifetime. It’s built in the quiet moments, in the hard choices, and in the humble act of getting back up after you’ve been knocked down. It’s the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.
So let me ask you: What is one small promise you can make and keep for yourself today?
