I used to fill my online cart whenever I felt empty inside.
That quick rush of a new purchase felt like a solution. For a moment it was. But the excitement faded fast. The package would arrive and the emptiness would return sometimes even stronger than before. If you know that feeling you’re in the right place.
Emotional spending is a tricky thing. It’s not about needing stuff. It’s about needing comfort. It’s about trying to fill a hole in your heart with something that comes in a box. I get it. This pattern feels a lot like my old struggles with binge eating. I wasn't hungry for food. I was hungry for peace. I was trying to numb stress or boredom with a temporary fix.
Breaking that cycle took time but it was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done. It wasn’t about cutting myself off completely. It was about understanding the “why” behind the buy. It was about finding healthier ways to cope with life.
Here are 12 steps that helped me get control of my wallet and my emotions.
1. Identify Your Triggers
The first step is awareness. What sends you running to your favorite online store? Is it stress from work? A fight with a loved one? Is it boredom on a Tuesday night? For a week try to notice what you’re feeling right before you get the urge to shop. Just notice it without judgment. Write it down on a piece of paper or in a note on your phone.
2. Create a 24-Hour Rule
Impulse is the enemy of a healthy budget. When you feel the urge to buy something that isn't a planned necessity put it in your cart and walk away. Just close the tab. Tell yourself you can buy it in 24 hours if you still want it. Most of the time the intense urge will pass. You’ll realize you didn’t really need it after all.
3. Go on an Unsubscribe Spree
Those daily deal emails and flash sale notifications are designed to create a false sense of urgency. They are a direct line to your emotional triggers. Take 15 minutes and unsubscribe from every retail email list you’re on. It feels amazing. You can’t be tempted by a sale you don’t know about.
4. Find a Healthy Replacement
When the urge to spend hits you need a new plan. What will you do instead? This isn’t about willpower. It’s about redirection. For me turning to prayer or opening my Bible brought a sense of peace that no purchase ever could. Maybe for you it’s calling a friend. Going for a walk outside. Listening to uplifting music. Or tackling a small task you’ve been putting off. Find a positive action to replace the negative one.
5. Make a “Want” List Not a “Buy” List
Keep a running list of things you think you want. When you see something you like add it to the list instead of your cart. Revisit the list once a month. You’ll be surprised how many items you no longer care about. This separates a fleeting want from a genuine need or desire.
6. Budget for Fun
A budget that’s too strict will always fail. You need to give yourself permission to spend some money just for fun. Set aside a small fixed amount each month that is purely for you to enjoy guilt-free. A coffee out. A new book. A movie ticket. Knowing you have this fund makes it easier to resist unplanned emotional splurges.
7. Know Where Your Money Is Going
You can’t change what you don’t measure. Use a simple app or a notebook to track your spending for one month. Every single dollar. It might feel tedious at first but knowledge is power. Seeing exactly where your money goes can be a huge wake-up call.
8. Visualize Your True Goals
Instead of thinking about what you can't have focus on what you want to achieve. Are you saving for a down payment on a house? To become debt-free? To be more generous with your church or a charity you love? Keep a picture or a note about that goal somewhere you can see it. This reminds you that every dollar you don’t spend on an impulse is a dollar you do spend on your future.
9. Talk About It
Shame grows in silence. Emotional spending can feel like a secret you have to keep. Find one person you trust—a spouse a close friend a mentor—and tell them about your struggle. Just saying it out loud can take away its power. This person can be your accountability partner someone you can text when you feel the urge to splurge.
10. Celebrate the Small Wins
This is a lesson I learned when I lost over 110 pounds. The journey wasn't about one giant victory. It was about thousands of small good choices. The same goes for spending. When you resist an impulse buy celebrate it. Don’t reward yourself with another purchase. Instead acknowledge your strength. Tell yourself “I did it. I was in control.” That feeling of self-respect is worth more than anything you can buy.
11. Learn Your Weak Spots
Are you more likely to spend late at night while scrolling on your phone? Or maybe after a few drinks with friends? Recognize your personal danger zones. If you know you overspend on your phone at night then plug your phone in across the room an hour before bed. If you overspend with certain friends suggest activities that don’t involve shopping.
12. Pray for Contentment
In the end this is a battle of the heart. I often found myself buying things because I was trying to find satisfaction in stuff. It never worked. I learned to pray for a spirit of contentment and gratitude. To ask God to help me find my worth in Him not in what I own. True peace and fulfillment don’t come from a store. They come from a deeper source.
Overcoming emotional spending isn't about perfection. It's about progress. It’s about taking back control one small choice at a time. You are stronger than you think. You can do this.
So what’s one small step you can take today to reclaim control?
