Ever had that frustrating feeling where words just seem to bounce off someone? Or maybe you’ve realized mid-conversation that you haven't truly heard a thing they said. If so, you're not alone. So many of us struggle to truly listen. It's a skill and like any skill it takes practice. I know this because I've been there. For years I was so caught up in my own world my own struggles like battling gaming addiction and unhealthy habits that I wasn't really hearing anyone else. Learning to listen has been a game-changer for my relationships and my own growth.
Good listening isn't just about being polite. It's about connecting understanding and building stronger bonds with the people around us. It makes others feel valued and seen. And honestly it helps us learn and grow too.
Why Bother Becoming a Better Listener?
Think about it. How do you feel when someone truly listens to you? When they put down their phone look you in the eye and really absorb what you're saying? It feels good right? It makes you feel respected and understood.
Becoming a better listener can:
- Improve your relationships with family friends and colleagues.
- Help you learn new things and gain different perspectives.
- Reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.
- Make you a more empathetic and compassionate person.
- Even help you in your own journey of self-improvement as you learn to listen to good advice and to your own inner voice.
For me breaking free from old habits like binge eating and laziness wasn't just about willpower. It was also about learning to listen to the right advice to my body's needs and to the quiet guidance I found in my faith. It all ties together.
12 Simple Ways to Sharpen Your Listening Skills
Improving your listening isn't about complex theories. It’s about simple practical changes. Here are twelve techniques that have really helped me and I believe they can help you too.
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Be Fully Present
This is huge. Put your phone away. Turn off the TV. Give the person speaking your undivided attention. When I was deep into gaming my mind was always somewhere else. I’d nod along but retain nothing. Learning to be present in the moment not just in conversations but in life was a massive step for me. It means consciously choosing to focus. -
Maintain Gentle Eye Contact
Looking at the person who is speaking shows you're engaged and interested. You don’t need to stare them down just maintain natural comfortable eye contact. It builds connection and trust. -
Listen to Understand Not Just to Reply
So often we listen with the intent to jump in with our own story or opinion. Try to switch that off. Focus entirely on what the other person is saying. Try to truly grasp their message their feelings their perspective before you even think about what you want to say next. This was a tough one for me especially when I was still defensive about my past habits. I had to learn to hear feedback without immediately planning my rebuttal. -
Ask Clarifying Questions
Don't be afraid to ask questions if you're unsure about something. Phrases like "Can you tell me more about that?" or "What did you mean when you said…?" show you're trying to understand fully. It also helps the speaker clarify their own thoughts. -
Paraphrase or Summarize
Occasionally repeating back what you think the speaker said in your own words is a great way to check for understanding. "So if I'm hearing you right you're feeling…" This gives them a chance to confirm or correct you. It shows you’re making an effort. -
Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues
A lot of communication isn't verbal. Notice their body language facial expressions and tone of voice. Are they fidgeting? Do they look sad happy or anxious? These cues can give you a deeper understanding of their message. -
Avoid Interrupting
This is a classic. Let the person finish their thought before you jump in. It’s respectful and ensures you get the whole picture. I used to be very impatient. My desire for quick fixes and instant gratification from past habits made me want to cut people off. Learning to wait is a skill in itself. -
Show Empathy
Try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how they might be feeling. You don’t have to agree with everything they say to show empathy. Just acknowledge their feelings. "I can see why you'd feel that way" can go a long way. My own journey through tough times has definitely made it easier for me to connect with what others might be going through. -
Don't Jump to Conclusions or Offer Unsolicited Advice
Sometimes people just want to be heard. They don't always want a solution or your opinion right away. Listen first. If they ask for advice then offer it thoughtfully. Otherwise just be a supportive presence. -
Practice Patience
Some people take longer to express themselves or might ramble a bit. Be patient. Give them the space they need to get their thoughts out. This is where faith has helped me too cultivating patience and understanding for others. -
Withhold Judgment
Create a safe space for the speaker. If they feel judged they'll shut down. Listen with an open mind even if their views are different from yours. Everyone has their own story and their own struggles. -
Give Small Verbal Cues
Little affirmations like "Mm-hmm" "I see" or "Go on" can show you're following along and encourage the speaker to continue. A simple nod also works. It lets them know you're still with them.
It’s a Journey Not a Destination
Becoming a better listener isn't something you master overnight. It’s an ongoing practice. There will be times you slip up and catch yourself interrupting or not paying full attention. That’s okay. The important thing is to be aware and keep trying.
For me every small win in my health journey like losing over 110 pounds or building a productive routine was built on consistency not perfection. The same applies here. Each conversation is a new chance to practice. And like anything the more you practice the better you'll become. Daily gratitude helps me stay grounded and appreciate these opportunities for connection.
So what's one small step you can take today to be a better listener? Maybe it's putting your phone completely out of sight during your next conversation. Or perhaps it's consciously trying to paraphrase what someone says. Pick one thing and give it a go. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.
