Ever replayed a new introduction in your head, cringing at every awkward word you said? I have, more times than I can count.
That feeling of sweaty palms and a racing heart before meeting someone new is something we all know. We want to be liked. We want to connect. But sometimes our own anxiety gets in the way, and we walk away feeling like we completely blew it. For a long time, that was my story. When I was struggling with my health, my confidence was at an all-time low. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and I’m sure it showed.
But here’s what I learned on my journey of losing over 110 pounds and rebuilding my life: making a good first impression isn’t about being perfect, witty, or impressive. It’s about being present, genuine, and kind. It’s a skill you can build, one small action at a time.
It’s Not About Perfection, It’s About Connection
Forget the pressure to be someone you’re not. The goal is to make a real human connection. When you shift your focus from “What will they think of me?” to “How can I make this person feel comfortable?” everything changes. You stop performing and start connecting.
Here are 12 simple ways to make that happen.
1. Smile Like You Mean It
A real smile is one of the most powerful tools you have. It’s not a forced, tight-lipped grin. It’s a warm, genuine smile that reaches your eyes. It signals that you’re friendly, open, and happy to be there. Think of something that makes you genuinely happy right before you walk into a room. It can change your entire expression.
2. Make Gentle Eye Contact
You don’t need to have a staring contest. Just aim for gentle, comfortable eye contact. Look at the person when they’re speaking and when you are speaking. If it feels intense, you can look at the bridge of their nose or briefly glance away. It shows you’re engaged and confident.
3. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Reply
This is a superpower. Most people are just waiting for their turn to talk. Instead, truly listen to what the other person is saying. Be curious about their story. What are they excited about? What are they trying to tell you between the lines? When people feel truly heard, they feel valued.
4. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Good questions show you were listening. Go beyond the basic “What do you do?” Ask follow-up questions like, “What’s the most interesting part of your work?” or “What do you love most about living here?” Open-ended questions invite better conversations and show you’re genuinely interested in their life.
5. Use Their Name
When you meet someone, repeat their name back to them. “It’s great to meet you, Sarah.” Then, try to use it once or twice more during the conversation. Hearing our own name makes us feel seen and respected. It’s a small detail that makes a big impact.
6. Put Your Phone Away
This should be obvious, but it’s a rule many people break. When you’re talking to someone, your phone should be out of sight. Placing it on the table face down is better than holding it, but putting it in your pocket is best. It sends a clear message: the person in front of you is your priority.
7. Stand Tall
Your body communicates before you even say a word. Stand or sit up straight with your shoulders back. It projects confidence and energy. When I was overweight, I used to slouch because I wanted to hide. One of the first things I changed, even before the weight came off, was my posture. Standing tall helped me feel more confident, and people started treating me differently.
8. Be on Time
Punctuality is a simple, non-negotiable sign of respect. It shows that you value the other person’s time. Arriving late immediately starts the interaction with an apology and puts you on the back foot. Plan ahead and give yourself a few extra minutes.
9. Dress with Respect
This isn’t about wearing expensive designer clothes. It’s about dressing appropriately for the situation and showing you put in a little effort. It communicates respect for the occasion and for the people you’re meeting. When you know you look put-together, it also gives you a nice boost of confidence.
10. Just Be Yourself
This is the most important tip of all. For years, I wasn’t myself. I was hiding behind my bad habits and a fake smile. I thought if people knew the real me—the guy who struggled with binge eating and wasting hours on video games—they wouldn’t like him.
But the truth is, people can sense when you’re not being authentic. My real confidence didn’t come from losing the weight. It came from accepting who I was and starting the hard work to become the man I wanted to be—the man God created me to be. When you show up as you are, flaws and all, you give others permission to do the same. That’s where true connection is born.
11. Focus Outward, Not Inward
Anxiety makes us incredibly self-focused. We worry about what to say, how we look, and what people think. The fastest way to break that cycle is to shift your focus entirely onto the other person. Get curious about them. Your goal is to learn their story. This simple mental shift takes the pressure off you and puts it where it belongs: on the connection itself.
12. End on a High Note
How you end the conversation is just as important as how you begin it. End with a warm smile and a firm handshake if appropriate. Say something like, “It was really great talking with you, Mark,” or “I really enjoyed hearing about your project.” A positive closing statement leaves the person with a good final impression.
Making a better first impression isn't about mastering a complicated set of rules. It’s about showing up with an open heart, a respectful attitude, and a genuine desire to connect with another person. It’s about small, consistent efforts that add up over time.
So, here’s my question for you: What’s one small thing from this list you can focus on in your next new encounter?
