12 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage

I used to be the biggest obstacle in my own life.

Isn't that a strange feeling? To know exactly what you need to do to be happier and healthier but to actively do the opposite. It’s like having one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. You’re burning fuel and making a lot of noise but going nowhere. For years, this was my reality. I wanted to lose weight but found myself in the pantry late at night. I wanted to be productive but would lose hours to video games and pointless scrolling. I was stuck in a cycle of knowing better but not doing better.

It was frustrating. It felt hopeless. I thought something was fundamentally wrong with me.

But I learned that self-sabotage isn't a character flaw. It's a pattern. And like any pattern, it can be broken. It took a lot of trial and error, a lot of prayer, and a lot of grace for myself, but I eventually broke free. I lost over 110 pounds and left behind a life of lazy, unhealthy habits. If you feel like you’re your own worst enemy, please know you’re not alone and you’re not broken. Change is possible.

Here are 12 ways I learned to get out of my own way.

12 Ways to Stop Working Against Yourself

1. Figure out your "why." Self-sabotage is usually a symptom of a deeper fear. Are you afraid of failing? Or maybe, are you secretly afraid of succeeding and what that might demand of you? For me, overeating was a way to numb my feelings of disappointment in myself. I wasn't just hungry for food; I was hungry for comfort. Take a moment of quiet reflection and ask yourself honestly: what am I really afraid of? Acknowledging the root cause is the first step toward healing it.

2. Replace a habit, don't just remove it. Telling yourself to "just stop" is a recipe for failure. Your brain hates a vacuum. Instead of just trying to eliminate a bad habit, focus on replacing it with a better one. When I wanted to stop binge eating at night, I couldn't just sit there with my hands tied. I replaced it. I started reading a book or calling a friend instead. The craving was still there, but I gave my brain a new, better path to follow.

3. Start so small it feels silly. Big goals are overwhelming. Overwhelm leads straight to sabotage. The secret is to break your goal down into a ridiculously small first step. When I decided to lose weight, my first goal wasn't to lose 110 pounds. It was to walk to the end of my street and back. That’s it. Anyone can do that. That tiny action builds trust in yourself. What's one tiny thing you can do today?

4. Celebrate the small wins. When you complete that tiny step, celebrate it. Seriously. Give yourself a pat on the back. Tell someone. Write it down. When I started my journey, every pound I lost was a victory. Every time I chose water over soda was a win. Celebrating these small things builds momentum. It proves to your brain that you can do it, which makes the next step feel easier.

5. Make your bad habits harder to do. We often sabotage ourselves because it’s easy. The junk food is in the cupboard. The game console is ready to go. Flip the script. Create friction for your bad habits and make good habits easier. I stopped buying junk food so it wasn't in my house. If I wanted it, I’d have to get dressed and drive to the store. That extra effort was often enough to stop the impulse in its tracks.

6. Talk to someone you trust. Don't carry this burden alone. Shame grows in silence. I can't tell you how much it helped to talk to my family and a few close friends. They didn’t judge me. They encouraged me. A fresh perspective from someone who cares about you can break the cycle of negative self-talk that fuels sabotage.

7. Aim for consistency, not perfection. The all-or-nothing mindset is the best friend of self-sabotage. You eat one cookie and think, "Well, I've blown my diet for the day, might as well eat the whole box." This is a trap. I had bad days. I had days where I ate things I shouldn't have. The key was that I didn’t let a bad day turn into a bad week. I just aimed to make a better choice at the next meal. Give yourself grace and get back on track.

8. Focus on who you want to become. Don't just focus on the goal like "I want to stop being lazy." Focus on an identity like "I am a disciplined person." This is a powerful mental shift. I stopped saying "I'm trying to lose weight" and started thinking "I am a person who respects my body and fuels it with healthy food." Act like the person you want to become, and eventually, you will be that person.

9. Practice daily gratitude. Self-sabotage often comes from a place of feeling like you're not enough or you don't have enough. Gratitude is the perfect antidote. Every day, I make a point to thank God for three specific things. It can be simple: the sun shining, a good cup of coffee, a kind word from a stranger. This simple practice shifts your focus from what's wrong in your life to what's right. It builds a foundation of peace that makes sabotage less appealing.

10. Anchor yourself in a higher purpose. There were days my own willpower was not enough. I was tired and wanted to quit. In those moments, I leaned on my faith. I remembered that my body is a temple and that taking care of it was a way to honor God. Connecting my personal goals to a greater purpose—to be healthy enough to serve God and the people around me—gave me a strength I couldn't find on my own. Whatever your deeper purpose is, connect to it.

11. Set clear boundaries. Do you sabotage your goals because you're always saying "yes" to other people? People-pleasing can drain your time and energy, leaving nothing for your own priorities. Learning to say "no" is not selfish. It's necessary. Protecting your time and energy is crucial if you want to have anything left to build a better life for yourself.

12. Schedule your rest. In our culture of hustle, we see rest as laziness. It’s not. It's recovery. I used to work until I was exhausted, and that's when I'd make my worst decisions. Now, I am intentional about my work and my rest. I focus on short bursts of deep work for a few hours, and then I stop. I schedule time to unwind, to pray, and to do things I enjoy. You can't pour from an empty cup. Rest is productive.

Breaking free from self-sabotage is a journey, not a destination. It’s about making a series of small, better choices over and over again. It’s about extending grace to yourself when you fall and finding the courage to get back up. You have it in you to change. You just have to decide to stop being your own enemy and start being your own best ally.

What’s one small step you can take today to get on your own side?