15 Techniques for Better Negotiation

Let’s be honest, asking for what you want can be terrifying.

Whether it’s a higher salary, a better deal on a car, or just trying to decide on a vacation spot with your family, we all face negotiations. I used to dread them. I saw them as confrontations I was bound to lose. I’d either give in too easily to avoid conflict or get stubborn and make things worse. It felt like a skill some people were just born with, and I wasn’t one of them.

But my journey of overcoming bad habits and losing over 110 pounds taught me something powerful: difficult things are just skills you haven’t learned yet. Just like I learned to manage my health one small choice at a time, I learned to negotiate one conversation at a time. It’s not about being aggressive or slick. It’s about being prepared, understanding people, and respecting yourself.

Here are 15 practical techniques that helped me turn negotiation from a source of fear into a tool for a better life.

First, Do Your Homework

You wouldn't walk into an exam without studying. Don't walk into a negotiation unprepared. The confidence you need comes from knowing your stuff before the conversation even starts.

1. Know Your Real Goal. Before you do anything else, ask yourself: What do I really want to achieve? It’s often more than just a number. You might want a higher salary, but your real goal could be feeling valued, having less financial stress, or providing more for your family. Get crystal clear on your 'why.'

2. Define Your Walk-Away Point. This is your non-negotiable limit. It’s the point where you’d rather walk away with no deal than accept a bad one. Knowing this gives you incredible strength. When I decided to lose weight, my walk-away point was a life of poor health, low energy, and unhappiness. I was no longer willing to accept that. Having that clear boundary made it easier to say no to old habits and yes to a better future. The same principle applies here.

3. Research the Other Side. What are their needs, pressures, and goals? If you're negotiating a salary, what’s the industry standard? What is the company’s financial situation? Understanding their perspective isn’t just kind; it's smart. It helps you frame your request in a way that helps them, too.

4. Prepare Your Opening. Don’t just wing it. Decide how you will start the conversation. A calm, confident opening sets the tone for everything that follows. It can be as simple as, "Thanks for meeting with me. I wanted to talk about my role and future here."

5. Anchor the Conversation. If you can, make the first offer. This is called anchoring, and it tends to set the range for the rest of the negotiation. People’s minds get stuck on that first number. Make your first offer ambitious but reasonable.

During the Conversation

Once you're in the room, it's all about communication. It's less about talking and more about connecting.

6. Listen More Than You Talk. This is the hardest one for me, but it's the most powerful. When you let the other person talk, they will tell you everything you need to know. They’ll reveal what they value, what they’re afraid of, and where they might be flexible.

7. Ask Open-Ended Questions. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Instead, ask questions that start with "what," "how," or "why." For example, instead of "Can you give me a 10% raise?" try, "What would the path to a 10% salary increase look like from here?"

8. Use Pauses Strategically. Silence can feel awkward, so we rush to fill it. Don't. After you make a point or ask a question, just be quiet. Let the other person think and respond. A pause gives your words weight and often encourages the other person to say more than they planned.

9. Focus on Interests, Not Positions. A "position" is what someone says they want ("I need this project done by Friday"). An "interest" is why they want it ("I need to present the results at a board meeting on Monday"). If you can’t meet their position, you can often find another way to solve their underlying interest.

10. Trade, Don't Just Give In. Negotiation is a two-way street. If you have to concede a point, ask for something in return. "Okay, I can agree to that shorter deadline, but I'll need some help from John to get it done." This keeps the exchange balanced.

The Human Connection

At the end of the day, you're talking to another person. Tactics are useful, but integrity and respect are what build lasting agreements and relationships.

11. Stay Calm and Respectful. Negotiations can get emotional. When I was struggling with binge eating, I learned how much my emotions could control my actions. Learning to pause and not act on impulse was a game-changer. The same applies here. If you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a breath. A calm mind makes better decisions.

12. Find Common Ground. Start the conversation by talking about something you both agree on. It could be a shared goal for the company or a mutual desire for a project's success. This builds a sense of partnership instead of a battle.

13. Be Genuinely Willing to Walk Away. This isn’t a threat. It’s the quiet confidence that comes from knowing your walk-away point (see tip #2). When the other person knows you are perfectly fine without a deal, it shifts the power dynamic. You are there to find a good solution, not to accept a bad one.

14. Separate the People from the Problem. Don't make it personal. Focus on the issue at hand, not on the personality of the person you're talking to. Address the problem as a shared challenge you need to solve together.

15. Aim for a Fair Outcome. I don't believe in winning by crushing the other person. That approach might work once, but it burns bridges. For me, this comes back to my faith. My goal is to find a solution that is fair and respects the dignity of everyone involved. A good deal is one where both parties feel like they were heard and treated fairly, even if they didn't get everything they wanted.

Negotiation isn’t a dark art. It’s a human skill built on preparation, listening, and respect. It takes practice, and you won’t get it perfect every time. I sure don't. But by using these steps, you can start asking for what you're worth with a little more confidence and a lot less fear.

So, what is one small thing you need to negotiate this week? Maybe it’s asking for help with a chore, adjusting a deadline, or simply deciding what's for dinner. Start there. Every small win builds the strength for the next one.