Do you ever find yourself constantly seeking approval, wishing someone would just tell you you’re doing great? It’s an exhausting cycle, this need for external validation. We've all been there, looking outside ourselves for permission to feel good enough.
But what if I told you the most powerful approval you can get comes from within? That's self-validation. It's about knowing your worth, trusting your choices, and honoring who you are, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. It’s not about arrogance. It’s about building a solid, internal foundation of self-worth that no external criticism can shake.
I know this journey firsthand. For years, I chased fleeting highs and distractions that fed a desperate need for external approval. I battled gaming addiction, binge eating, drinking, and smoking. I was lazy and unfocused. I tried to fill a void with things that only made me feel emptier. Finding my way out of those unhealthy habits and losing over 110 pounds meant I had to stop looking for validation in the wrong places. I had to learn to validate myself. It’s still a daily practice, but it's one of the most freeing changes I have ever made.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to be you, here are 15 practical tips for building your own self-validation.
Understand Yourself and Your Worth
Self-validation starts with a deep, honest look at who you are.
-
Know Your Values. What truly matters to you? Is it honesty, family, service, faith, growth, or kindness? Write these down. When you live in alignment with your values, you naturally feel more validated from within. Your actions become your integrity.
-
Recognize Your Strengths. Take time to list what you're good at. Don't dismiss them. Maybe you're a good listener, a problem-solver, resilient, or creative. Acknowledge these gifts. We often focus on what we lack. Shift your gaze to what you bring to the table.
-
Honor Your Feelings. Our culture often tells us to push uncomfortable emotions away. But your feelings are messengers. Let sadness, anger, joy, or frustration come and go without judgment. You don't have to act on every feeling, but acknowledge it. "I feel frustrated right now, and that's okay." This simple act validates your internal experience.
-
Trust Your Gut. We all have an inner voice, an intuition. Learn to listen to it. When making a decision, pause and notice how it feels in your body. Does it feel right or wrong? Often, our gut knows the answer long before our logical mind catches up. Trusting it builds powerful self-reliance.
Take Action and Build Momentum
Self-validation isn't just about thinking. It’s about doing.
-
Set Clear Boundaries. Protecting your time, energy, and mental space is a huge act of self-validation. Learn to say "no" when you need to, without guilt. You are telling yourself your needs matter.
-
Celebrate Small Wins. This one is a game-changer. When I first started my journey to lose over 110 pounds, the idea of reaching my goal felt impossible. But I learned to celebrate every single healthy meal, every workout, every time I chose water over soda. Those small wins weren't for anyone else's approval. They were for me. They built internal momentum, step by small step. Acknowledge your progress, no matter how tiny.
-
Take Decisive Action. Don't wait for permission or the "perfect" moment. Make a choice and act. Before, I was stuck in cycles of gaming, binge eating, and general laziness. It was easier to escape than to face reality. But breaking those habits – that massive shift – didn't happen overnight. It started with one decisive action, one conscious choice to step away from immediate gratification and choose what truly served me. You are capable of making tough decisions for yourself.
-
Learn from Mistakes. Failure is not a reflection of your worth. It's feedback. When things don't go as planned, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" instead of "What's wrong with me?" This shift in perspective transforms setbacks into stepping stones.
-
Practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend. When you mess up or feel down, talk to yourself gently. This isn't about letting yourself off the hook entirely, but offering support rather than harsh criticism.
Cultivate a Deeper Perspective
Look beyond the surface to find lasting validation.
-
Practice Daily Gratitude. Shifting your focus to what you have, rather than what you lack, instantly changes your outlook. Every morning, I list three things I'm grateful for. It doesn't have to be grand. It could be the warmth of my coffee or a good night's sleep. This practice grounds you in abundance and appreciation, a powerful source of internal peace.
-
Limit External Input. Constantly scrolling through social media, comparing yourself to others, or consuming endless news can erode your self-worth. Step back. Create space for your own thoughts and feelings to emerge without constant external noise.
-
Focus on What You Control. Worrying about things outside your influence is a waste of energy. Direct your efforts toward what you can change: your attitudes, your actions, your effort. Let go of the rest. This empowers you and reinforces your agency.
-
Seek God's Guidance (Orthodox Christian Focus). For me, truly finding my purpose and an unshakable sense of worth came through my Christian Orthodox faith. It wasn't about outward displays or seeking applause. It was about realizing my value in God's eyes, understanding His unconditional love. My daily prayers, reading the lives of the Saints, and connecting with the rich traditions of the Church became a source of profound internal validation. This relationship gives me strength and purpose that no external praise ever could.
-
Spend Time in Quiet Reflection. In our busy world, simply being without doing is a radical act. Find moments of quiet each day to simply sit with yourself. This isn't about clearing your mind entirely, but allowing your thoughts to settle, to observe them without judgment. This quiet time fosters self-awareness and helps you connect with your inner wisdom.
-
Serve Others. Giving back and contributing to something larger than yourself is incredibly validating. When you help someone, you feel a sense of purpose and competence that comes from making a real difference. It shifts your focus outward and reinforces your inherent value.
Building self-validation is a continuous journey, not a destination. There will be days when you feel strong and days when you falter. That's okay. The key is to keep showing up for yourself, to keep practicing these steps, and to remember that your worth is not something to be earned from others. It's inherent.
What's one small step you can take today to validate yourself? Start there.
