I used to chase happiness like it was a rare butterfly always just out of reach. It turns out, happiness wasn't something to find. It was something to build, one changed belief at a time.
We all want to live a good existence, right? But sometimes, our own thoughts get in the way. We carry around beliefs that don't serve us. They make us feel stuck, overwhelmed, or just plain unhappy. I’ve been there. Stephen Montagne, our founder here at GoodExistence.com, has been there too. He battled gaming addiction, binge eating, and unhealthy habits. He felt lost before finding his way. Changing those deep-seated beliefs was a game-changer for him and for me. It can be for you too.
It’s not about a massive overhaul overnight. It’s about gentle shifts in perspective. These shifts can unlock a surprising amount of joy and peace. Let's talk about five beliefs I had to unlearn and relearn to find a happier, more fulfilling life.
1. The Trap of "I Must Be Perfect"
I once believed that anything less than perfect was a failure. This mindset was exhausting. It stopped me from starting new things. It made me overly critical of myself and others. Every tiny mistake felt like a catastrophe.
Stephen often shares how this perfectionist thinking held him back. When he decided to lose over 110 pounds, aiming for a perfect diet and workout plan every single day would have been impossible. He would have given up after the first slip-up.
The New Belief: Progress over perfection.
How it Changed Things:
This shift was liberating. I started celebrating small steps forward. Stephen embraced this by focusing on small wins. One healthy meal was a win. A short walk was a win. These little victories built momentum. He learned that consistency beats intensity when it comes to long-term change. Overcoming binge eating wasn’t about never slipping up. It was about getting back on track quickly and learning from each experience.
Try This:
Pick one small area where you demand perfection. For today, aim for "good enough." Did you want to clean the whole house? Just do one room. Or even just one corner. Notice how it feels to complete something without the pressure of perfection.
2. The Myth of "Endless Hustle Equals Success"
I used to think that to be productive and successful, I had to grind constantly. Long hours, little rest – that was the badge of honor. The problem? I was often busy but not truly productive. I felt drained and unhappy, and my work suffered.
Many of us fall into this trap. We see images of people working 12-hour days and think that's the only way. But it often leads to burnout, not breakthrough.
The New Belief: Focused work in short bursts is more effective.
How it Changed Things:
Stephen adopted a routine of short bursts of deep work, often just 2 to 4 hours a day. This sounds counterintuitive, right? But by focusing intensely during those hours, he accomplished more than he did during much longer, distracted days. This approach freed up time for other important things: family, health, and his faith. I found the same. When I concentrate fully for a shorter period, my output is better and I feel more energized.
Try This:
Experiment with a focused work session. Set a timer for 25 minutes (the Pomodoro Technique is great for this). Eliminate distractions. Work on one task. See what you can achieve. You might be surprised.
3. The Fallacy of "External Validation Defines Me"
For a long time, my self-worth was tied to what others thought of me. I craved approval. I needed achievements to feel good about myself. If I didn’t get that validation, I felt empty. This is a shaky foundation for happiness because you can't control what others think or how external circumstances unfold.
Relying on external praise or achievements for happiness is like building your house on sand. It's unstable and can easily wash away.
The New Belief: My worth and purpose come from within and my connection to something greater.
How it Changed Things:
This was a profound shift for Stephen. As he strengthened his Christian Orthodox faith, he found a deeper sense of purpose. His worth wasn't tied to his weight, his past habits, or his business success alone. It came from his relationship with God and living by his values. This internal anchor provides stability and peace that external factors can't easily disturb. For me, it meant learning to appreciate my own qualities and efforts, regardless of outside praise.
Try This:
Take a moment today to identify three things you genuinely like about yourself or three values that are important to you. These are internal. They don't depend on anyone else's approval. Remind yourself of these qualities.
4. The Prison of "My Past Defines My Future"
"I'll always be this way." "I've failed too many times." These were thoughts that often haunted me. I let past mistakes and unhealthy habits dictate my potential. It felt like carrying a heavy backpack full of regrets.
Stephen’s journey is a powerful testament against this belief. He overcame significant challenges: gaming, binge eating, drinking, laziness, and smoking. If he believed his past defined him, he would still be stuck in those cycles.
The New Belief: My past is a teacher, not a jailer. I can choose a different future.
How it Changed Things:
Adopting this belief means you can look at past experiences, even the painful ones, as lessons. Stephen didn't erase his past struggles. He used them as fuel. Each unhealthy habit he overcame taught him about his triggers, his strength, and the strategies that worked for him. He learned resilience. Realizing this gives you incredible power. Your story isn't over. You are writing it every day.
Try This:
Think of one past mistake that still bothers you. Instead of dwelling on the regret, ask yourself: "What did I learn from this?" Write down one lesson. This reframes the experience from a failure to a learning opportunity.
5. The Illusion of "Happiness is a Distant Destination"
I spent years thinking, "I'll be happy when…" I'll be happy when I lose the weight. I'll be happy when I get that promotion. I'll be happy when I find the right partner. Happiness was always something in the future, just out of reach. This meant I was constantly postponing joy.
This "destination happiness" mindset keeps us from appreciating the life we have right now. It's a recipe for chronic dissatisfaction.
The New Belief: Happiness can be found in the present moment and cultivated daily.
How it Changed Things:
This was perhaps the most impactful shift. Stephen practices daily gratitude. This simple act of noticing and appreciating the good things already present in his life—big or small—changed his baseline level of happiness. He found joy in the process of building a healthy lifestyle, not just in reaching a certain weight. When I started focusing on the present, I found so much more to be thankful for. A good cup of coffee. A kind word from a stranger. A moment of quiet. These small joys add up.
Try This:
Tonight, before you go to sleep, think of three small things that happened today that you are grateful for. They don’t have to be monumental. Maybe the sun was shining, or you had a good conversation. Write them down if you like. Make it a habit.
Changing long-held beliefs isn't always easy. It takes awareness and consistent effort. But it's one of the most powerful things you can do for your well-being. You don't have to change everything at once. Start with one belief. Challenge it gently. See what happens.
Which of these beliefs resonates most with you right now? What's one small step you can take today to start shifting it? Remember, you deserve to live a good, happy existence. It starts from within.
