We were built for connection but so often we get it wrong.
We want deep meaningful relationships. Yet we feel misunderstood lonely or just distant from the people we care about most. I know that feeling all too well. For years I was trapped in a cycle of bad habits. I was addicted to video games binge eating and just being lazy. I wasn't a good friend to others because I wasn't even a good friend to myself. My relationships suffered because I was hiding my brokenness.
But through a long journey of rebuilding my life losing over 110 pounds and finding my purpose in my Christian faith I learned something crucial. Strong relationships are not built on grand gestures. They are built on small consistent choices we make every single day. They are built on purpose.
If you feel like your connections could be stronger you are not alone. Here are 12 strategies that helped me build better relationships in my own life. I hope they can help you too.
1. Listen to Understand Not to Reply
How often are we in a conversation just waiting for our turn to speak? We are thinking of our response our story our advice. True connection happens when we switch our goal. Instead of listening to reply try listening to understand. Ask questions. Get curious about their feelings and their perspective. When people feel truly heard they feel valued. This simple shift changes everything.
2. Put Your Phone Away
Our phones are connection killers. They steal our attention and signal to the person in front of us that they are not our priority. When you are with someone be with them. Put your phone on silent and out of sight. Give them the gift of your undivided attention. It is one of the rarest and most valuable gifts we can offer in our distracted world.
3. Share Your Real Self
I used to hide my struggles. I was ashamed of my addictions and my weight. I thought people would judge me if they saw the real me. But hiding creates walls. The turning point in my relationships came when I started being honest about my journey. I learned that people do not connect with perfection. They connect with honesty and vulnerability. You do not have to share everything with everyone. But letting the right people see your imperfections builds trust and deepens your bond.
4. Practice Forgiveness
Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. It poisons you more than it hurts the other person. Forgiveness is not about saying what they did was okay. It is about choosing to let go of the anger and resentment for your own peace. It is a core part of my faith and a practical step for any healthy relationship. Let it go. You will feel lighter.
5. Build Shared Memories
Relationships grow stronger through shared experiences. Do not just talk about doing things. Actually do them. Go for a walk. Try a new coffee shop. Cook a meal together. Work on a project. It does not have to be expensive or elaborate. The goal is to build a collection of positive memories that you can both look back on. These memories are the glue that holds relationships together during tough times.
6. Say Thank You Often
I started a practice of daily gratitude for my own well-being. But it becomes even more powerful when you direct it outward. Make a habit of saying thank you for small things. "Thank you for listening to me vent." "I really appreciate you making dinner." "Thank you for being a good friend." These small words make people feel seen and appreciated. It fights the tendency to take people for granted.
7. Respect Their Space
Even the closest relationships need room to breathe. Everyone has different needs for alone time and personal space. A good relationship respects these boundaries. It does not demand constant contact or all of someone’s free time. Showing that you trust them and respect their independence actually brings you closer. It shows you care about their well-being not just what they can offer you.
8. Be Someone They Can Count On
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. Be a person of your word. If you say you will do something do it. If you make a promise keep it. Show up when you say you will. Consistency and reliability show people that you are a safe person to depend on. It shows you are stable and that your care for them is not a fleeting emotion.
9. Speak with Gentleness
The way we say things matters just as much as what we say. Harsh criticism and sharp words can inflict deep wounds that are hard to heal. Before you speak ask yourself if what you are about to say is true necessary and kind. You can still be honest and address problems. But approaching conversations with a gentle and loving spirit makes all the difference.
10. Offer Help Proactively
Many people are not comfortable asking for help. They do not want to be a burden. One of the kindest things you can do is to look for needs and offer help before you are asked. See a friend who is overwhelmed with a new baby? Offer to bring them a meal. Notice a neighbor struggling with their groceries? Offer to carry them. These small acts of proactive service show you are paying attention and that you genuinely care.
11. Celebrate Their Success
When something good happens to a friend or loved one be their biggest cheerleader. A promotion a personal achievement a small win—celebrate with them. Genuine happiness for others fights off jealousy and comparison. It shows that you are on their team. A relationship where both people can freely share and celebrate their successes is a joyful and life-giving one.
12. Pray for Them
As my faith has become the center of my life this has become one of my most important relationship strategies. To pray for someone—for their health their peace their struggles—is a profound act of love. It costs nothing but time and it connects you to them on a spiritual level. It also changes your own heart. It is hard to stay angry or distant with someone you are actively bringing before God. It is the ultimate expression of wanting what is best for them.
Building better relationships is not a complicated formula. It is a daily practice of showing up with love honesty and intention.
What is one small action you can take today to strengthen one important relationship in your life?
