The idea of 'networking' used to make me break out in a cold sweat. It felt fake. Like I had to put on a mask and pretend to be some slick, polished version of myself just to collect business cards. Honestly, the whole concept felt transactional and empty.
When I was pulling myself out of a deep hole of gaming addiction, overeating, and just plain laziness, I realized something important. The people I was surrounded by were part of the old me. To build a new life, I didn't just need new habits; I needed new people. I needed a network built on encouragement and genuine connection, not just career moves. That’s when I understood that networking isn’t about climbing a ladder. It's about building a lifeline.
It’s about finding your people. The ones who get it. The ones who lift you up. And it’s about you being that person for others, too.
It's About People Not Positions
Before we get into the "how," we need to fix the "why." If you see networking as a way to get something, you've already lost. People can sense it a mile away. You have to change your thinking from "What can this person do for me?" to "How can I bring value to this person's life?"
This might sound backward, but it’s the secret. It’s about being a giver. My faith has taught me a lot about this. The focus on community and serving others showed me that true strength comes from building each other up. When you approach people with a genuine desire to help, listen, or just connect, you build trust. That’s the foundation of any real relationship, professional or personal.
So, forget the schmoozing. Let’s talk about how to build real, solid connections that will support you in your career and, more importantly, in your life.
Your 25-Point Playbook for Building Real Connections
Think of this as a list of options, not a checklist you have to complete by tomorrow. Pick a few that feel right for you and start there.
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Start with Gratitude. Before you reach out to anyone, take a moment to be thankful for the connections you already have. This puts you in a positive and open state of mind.
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Reconnect with One Old Friend. Send a simple text or email to someone you haven't talked to in a while. No agenda. Just a "Hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you’re doing."
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Listen More Than You Talk. When you’re with someone, make it your goal to learn about them. Ask questions. Be curious. Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves, so let them talk.
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Remember Small Details. Did someone mention their kid’s soccer game or a sick pet? The next time you talk, ask about it. It shows you were actually listening.
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Give a Genuine Compliment. Don't force it. But if you admire someone's work ethic, a project they completed, or even just their positive attitude, tell them.
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Clean Up Your Online House. Make sure your LinkedIn and other public-facing social media profiles reflect the person you are today, not the person you were five years ago.
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Engage Authentically on LinkedIn. Don't just "like" posts. Leave thoughtful comments on articles or updates from people in your field. Share something you found helpful.
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Join a Niche Online Group. Find a Facebook group or a forum related to your profession, industry, or even a hobby. Participate in discussions and offer help where you can.
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Ask for an "Advice" Chat, Not a "Job" Chat. If you admire someone, ask if they’d be open to a 15-minute call so you can hear about their journey. People love to share their story.
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Share Helpful Content. If you read an article or see a video that you think could help someone in your network, send it to them with a short note like, "Saw this and thought of you."
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Volunteer. Choose a cause you care about. You’ll meet like-minded people who are driven by purpose, not just a paycheck. These are often the deepest connections.
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Join a Local Club or Church Group. Whether it's a book club, a hiking group, or a Bible study, shared activities build powerful bonds outside of a work context.
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Attend Local Meetups or Industry Events. Go with the goal of having two or three meaningful conversations, not collecting 50 business cards. Quality over quantity.
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Have a Simple Introduction Ready. When someone asks what you do, don't just state your job title. Say it in a way that invites conversation. For example, instead of "I'm a marketing manager," try "I help small businesses find new customers online."
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Find Common Ground. Look for shared interests outside of work—sports, travel, family, books. This is how you move from being a contact to being a friend.
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Always Follow Up. After you meet someone, send a short email or LinkedIn message within 24 hours. Remind them of what you talked about and say it was great to connect.
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Be a Connector. This is a superpower. If you know two people who could benefit from knowing each other, introduce them. It’s one of the most generous things you can do for your network.
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Ask, "How Can I Help?" When you see someone in your network working on a project or facing a challenge, ask this simple question. Even if they don’t need anything, the offer will be remembered.
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Send a Hand-Written Note. In a world of emails and DMs, a simple thank-you card stands out. It shows you put in extra effort.
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Schedule Regular Check-ins. Put reminders in your calendar to check in with key people every few months. A quick "hello" is all it takes to keep a connection warm.
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Be Yourself. Always. When I was trying to lose over 110 pounds, I learned that progress only came when I was honest with myself about my struggles. The same is true here. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Your authenticity is what will attract the right people.
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Focus on Two-Way Value. A great connection is a two-way street. Think about what you can offer, whether it’s your skills, your knowledge, or just your encouragement.
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Celebrate Their Wins. When someone in your network gets a promotion, finishes a big project, or shares good news, be the first to congratulate them.
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Don't Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable. You don’t have to share your deepest secrets, but it’s okay to admit you don’t know something or are facing a challenge. It makes you human and relatable.
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Be Patient. Real relationships aren't built overnight. Think of it like planting a garden. You have to tend to it consistently, and over time, it will grow into something strong and beautiful.
Building a network isn't a secret formula. It's just about being a good, genuine human being who cares about other people. It’s about creating a community that has your back and knowing you have theirs.
So, where do you start? Don't get overwhelmed by the list. Just pick one.
Who is one person from your past you could send a friendly message to this week? Not to ask for anything. Just to say hello.
That’s it. That’s the first step.
