Ever replayed an argument in your head, thinking of all the perfect things you should have said? I know I have. Conflict is uncomfortable. It’s messy and it can leave you feeling drained, angry, or misunderstood. For years, I avoided it at all costs. But I also learned something important on my journey of overcoming bad habits like binge eating and laziness: the biggest conflicts often start inside of us.
Learning to face my own internal battles—the ones against my own destructive patterns—taught me how to handle disagreements with others. It taught me that conflict isn't just about winning an argument. It's an opportunity to understand someone better and to grow stronger together. The same principles that helped me lose over 110 pounds and build a life of purpose are the same ones that can help us navigate disagreements with grace and strength.
Here are 25 strategies that have helped me, broken down into simple, practical steps.
First, Prepare Your Heart and Mind
Before you even say a word, the outcome of a conflict is often decided by your internal posture. If you go in ready for a fight, you’ll probably get one. But if you go in seeking peace, you’re already on the right path.
- Breathe and Pray. Before reacting, take a deep breath. Just a moment. For me, this is a moment to ask God for wisdom and patience. It shifts my focus from my own anger to a desire for a peaceful resolution.
- Listen More Than You Speak. We often listen only to form our next response. Try to genuinely hear what the other person is saying. What is the feeling behind their words?
- Stay Calm. This is hard, I know. When you feel your emotions rising, try to anchor yourself. A calm presence can de-escalate a situation faster than anything else.
- Don’t Make It Personal. Try to separate the person from the problem. The issue is the disagreement, not the person’s character. Attacking them personally will only build walls.
- Know Your Goal. What do you actually want from this conversation? An apology? A change in behavior? A better understanding? If your only goal is to "win," you’ve already lost.
When You Talk, Choose Your Words Wisely
Words have power. They can build bridges or burn them. During a conflict, every word counts.
- Use “I” Statements. Instead of saying, “You always do this,” try, “I feel hurt when this happens.” It expresses your feelings without placing blame, making the other person less defensive.
- Focus on the Issue, Not the Person. Talk about the specific action or situation that is causing the problem. For example, “I was worried when you were late and didn’t call” is better than “You’re so inconsiderate.”
- Avoid “Always” and “Never.” These words are rarely true and they instantly put people on the defensive. They shut down the conversation.
- Ask Questions to Understand. Use open-ended questions like, “Can you help me understand your point of view?” or “What did you mean by that?” This shows you care about their perspective.
- Acknowledge Their Point of View. You don’t have to agree with them to validate their feelings. Saying something as simple as, “I can see why you would feel that way,” can make a huge difference.
Work Together to Find a Way Forward
The goal isn't just to end the fight but to find a solution that works for both of you. This requires teamwork, not a battle.
- Brainstorm Solutions Together. Ask, “How can we solve this together?” This turns you from opponents into partners looking for a common goal.
- Look for a Win-Win. A good resolution doesn’t have a winner and a loser. It finds a middle ground where both people feel respected and heard.
- Be Willing to Compromise. You might not get everything you want. That’s okay. True strength is sometimes found in humility and a willingness to meet in the middle.
- Agree to Disagree Respectfully. Sometimes, you won’t find a perfect solution. It’s okay to agree to disagree, as long as you do it with respect for each other’s position.
- Apologize When You’re Wrong. A sincere apology isn’t a sign of weakness. it’s a sign of strength and integrity. It can disarm tension and open the door to healing.
The Most Important Strategies for the Internal Battle
Ultimately, mastering conflict is an inside job. It’s about conquering your own pride, fear, and anger. This was the biggest lesson I learned when I was fighting my addictions. The same pride that kept me from admitting I had a problem was the same pride that made arguments worse. True change starts within.
- Choose Humility Over Pride. Pride wants to be right. Humility wants to find what is right.
- Practice Forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. it’s for you. It frees you from the weight of bitterness.
- Pick Your Battles. Not every disagreement is worth a fight. Ask yourself: will this matter in a day? A week? A year?
- Seek Wise Counsel. If you’re stuck, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or pastor. A fresh perspective can be a gift.
- See the Bigger Picture. Most conflicts are small moments in the grand scheme of a relationship. Don’t let a small fire burn down the whole house.
- Celebrate Small Resolutions. Just like celebrating small wins helped me lose weight, celebrating small steps toward peace in a relationship builds momentum.
- Don’t Hold Grudges. A grudge is a heavy burden to carry. As a Christian, I believe in grace, and that means extending it to others as it has been extended to me.
- Learn from Every Disagreement. What did you learn about yourself? About the other person? Every conflict is a lesson in disguise.
- Trust in God’s Timing. Sometimes, resolution doesn’t happen overnight. Have faith that things can heal and improve with time and prayer.
- Let Go and Let God. You can’t control other people. You can only control your own actions and reactions. Do your best, and trust God with the rest.
Conflict is a part of life. But it doesn’t have to destroy your relationships or your peace. It can be a tool that helps you grow closer to others and closer to God.
What is one small step you can take today to bring more peace into your life? Maybe it’s choosing to listen first in a tough conversation. Or maybe it’s finally letting go of an old grudge. Whatever it is, you can do it.
