I used to wait for someone else to come and fix my life.
Seriously. I thought if I just waited long enough, a person or a perfect opportunity would show up and solve all my problems. I was stuck in a cycle of bad habits—binge eating, endless hours of gaming, and a general laziness that kept me from living. I felt powerless, like a passenger in my own story.
The truth is, no one is coming to save you. That might sound harsh, but it’s actually the most freeing realization you can have. You are the hero you’ve been waiting for. Building self-reliance is about discovering that power within yourself. It’s not about being an island or never asking for help. It’s about knowing you can handle what life throws at you.
It’s a journey I’m still on, but I’ve learned a few things after shedding over 110 pounds, breaking free from addiction, and building a life I’m proud of. Here are ten techniques that helped me stand on my own two feet.
1. Start Ridiculously Small
Big goals are paralyzing. When I wanted to lose 110 pounds, the thought of it was crushing. It felt impossible. So I didn't focus on the 110 pounds. I focused on one pound. Sometimes, just one meal.
Instead of saying, "I'm going to eat healthy forever," I would just say, "I'm going to eat a healthy breakfast today." That's it. One small win. The next day, I'd try to do it again. Those tiny victories build on each other. They create momentum. Breaking my gaming addiction wasn't about quitting forever on day one. It was about not playing for the next hour. Small, manageable chunks of time.
2. Learn a Practical Skill
Confidence comes from competence. When you know how to do things for yourself, you feel more capable. Pick something practical you’ve always relied on others for.
- Learn to cook five simple, healthy meals.
- Figure out how to change a flat tire.
- Learn to create a basic budget and track your spending.
Every time you use that new skill, you send a message to yourself: "I can handle this. I don't need to wait for someone else."
3. Get a Grip on Your Finances
Money can feel like a source of constant stress and dependence. Gaining control over your finances is a massive step toward self-reliance. You don’t need to be an expert. Just start with the basics. Know what’s coming in and what’s going out. Set a small savings goal. The feeling of having even a small emergency fund is incredibly empowering. It’s a safety net you built for yourself.
4. Practice Solitude
There’s a big difference between being lonely and being alone. Self-reliance requires you to be comfortable with your own thoughts. You need to be your own best friend. Try spending small amounts of time by yourself without distractions. Go for a walk without your phone. Eat a meal at a restaurant by yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. When you don't fear being alone, you stop making decisions based on the fear of ending up alone.
5. Make Your Own Decisions
How often do you ask someone, "What should I do?" We do it for big and small things. Start reclaiming that power. For small decisions, just make a choice. Don't overthink it. What do you want for dinner? What movie do you want to watch? The more you practice making small, low-stakes decisions, the more confident you'll become when it's time to make the big ones. Trust your own judgment. It gets stronger with use.
6. Own Your Mistakes
Blaming other people or circumstances is easy. It absolves you of responsibility. It also makes you a victim. Self-reliant people take ownership. When things go wrong, they don’t look for someone to blame. They look at their own role in the situation and ask, "What can I learn from this? How can I do better next time?" Owning your mistakes isn't about beating yourself up. It's about taking back control of the narrative of your life.
7. Build a Simple Routine
My life changed when I stopped trying to be productive all day and focused on short bursts of deep work. I found that I can get more done in 2-4 hours of focused work than I ever did in a scattered 8-hour day. A routine isn't a prison. It's the framework that gives you freedom. It automates basic decisions (like when you wake up or when you work), which saves your mental energy for the things that truly matter. A simple, consistent routine builds discipline without you even realizing it.
8. Become Your Own Problem-Solver
The next time you face a small problem, resist the urge to immediately ask for help or search for the answer. Take ten minutes. Just ten. Sit with the problem and think it through yourself. What are the possible solutions? What are the first steps you could take? This simple exercise builds your problem-solving muscles and teaches you to be resourceful. You’ll be surprised at what you can figure out on your own.
9. Care For Your Body
You only get one body. It’s the vehicle for your entire existence. Treating it with respect is a fundamental act of self-reliance. You can’t build a strong life on a weak foundation. This isn’t about looking a certain way. It's about feeling strong and energetic. Prioritize sleep. Move your body in a way that feels good. Fuel it with decent food. When you are physically strong, you have the energy to face life's challenges head-on.
10. Find Your Anchor
For me, true self-reliance isn’t about believing I can do everything on my own power. That’s exhausting and, honestly, arrogant. It’s about being anchored to something solid and unchanging. My Christian faith is my anchor. When I feel weak or lost, I don't collapse because my foundation isn't built on my own shifting feelings. It's built on God.
Strengthening my relationship with Him has given me a purpose beyond my own selfish desires. It provides a moral compass for my decisions and a source of incredible strength. Daily gratitude isn't just a nice habit; it’s a form of prayer, a way of recognizing the blessings I’ve been given. This anchor gives me the courage to be self-reliant, because I know I am never truly alone.
Building self-reliance is a quiet, steady process. It’s a series of small, intentional choices you make every single day. It’s about choosing to trust yourself, to take responsibility, and to build a life you can be proud of, one step at a time.
So, what’s one small, independent step you can take for yourself today?
