Does the word ‘networking’ make you want to hide under your desk?
I get it. It used to make me cringe. The thought of walking into a room full of strangers, forcing smiles, and making small talk felt so fake. It felt like everyone was just trying to see what they could get from you. For years, I avoided it. I was busy enough trying to get my own life in order, and adding that kind of pressure felt impossible.
But I learned something important on my journey. Building connections isn't about collecting business cards or having a huge number of followers. It’s about building real relationships with people. It’s about giving, supporting, and finding common ground. It's about being human.
When I started focusing on genuine connection instead of "networking," everything changed. Here are ten ways I learned to build stronger professional networks without feeling like a fraud.
1. Change Your Goal from Getting to Giving
The biggest mental shift for me was this: Stop thinking about what you can get. Start thinking about what you can give. When you walk into a room or hop on a call, don't ask yourself, “How can this person help me?” Instead, ask, “How can I help them?”
Maybe you can share a useful article, connect them with someone else, or just offer a word of encouragement. When you lead with generosity, people feel it. It removes the pressure and makes the interaction feel authentic. You’re not a salesman. You’re a helper.
2. Listen More Than You Talk
We all want to be heard and understood. One of the most powerful ways to connect with someone is to simply listen. Ask open-ended questions and then actually pay attention to the answers. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak.
People will remember you as the person who made them feel seen. This builds trust faster than any impressive speech you could prepare. It’s a simple act of respect that goes a long way.
3. Be Genuinely You
For a long time, I tried to hide the messy parts of my life. I was ashamed of my struggles with binge eating, gaming addiction, and laziness. I felt like I had to present a perfect, polished version of myself to be taken seriously. But it was exhausting, and it wasn't real.
The truth is, my greatest connections came after I started being honest about my journey. When I shared how I lost over 110 pounds or built a new life from the ground up, people didn’t judge me. They related to me. They saw the fight in me. Your story, with all its ups and downs, is your greatest asset. Don’t hide it. People connect with real people, not with perfect résumés.
4. Quality Over Quantity
You don’t need a network of 5,000 people. You need a handful of strong, reliable connections. Instead of trying to meet everyone at an event, focus on having one or two meaningful conversations.
It’s better to have five people who would genuinely vouch for you than five hundred who barely remember your name. Go deep, not wide. This approach takes the pressure off and leads to much more solid relationships.
5. Reconnect with Your Past
Some of your best potential connections are already in your phone. Think about old colleagues, former classmates, or friends you’ve lost touch with. These are warm leads. You already have a shared history.
Send a simple text or email. "Hey, I was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you’re doing." No agenda. Just a simple, human check-in. You’ll be surprised how many of these old connections can blossom into new opportunities and friendships.
6. The Simple Follow-Up
How many times have you had a great conversation with someone, exchanged cards, and then… nothing? The follow-up is where the real connection is built. It shows you were paying attention and that you care.
Send a brief email the next day. Mention something specific you talked about. For example: "It was great chatting with you yesterday about your new project. Here’s that article I mentioned on deep work. Hope it helps!" It takes two minutes and sets you apart from 99% of people.
7. Find Common Ground Beyond Work
We are more than our job titles. Try to find things you have in common outside of the office. Do you both love hiking? Are you both parents? Do you share a favorite sports team?
These personal connections are the glue that holds a professional relationship together. They turn a contact into a friend. And we always go the extra mile for our friends.
8. Celebrate Their Success
When you see someone in your network achieve something, celebrate it. A simple "Congratulations on the promotion!" on LinkedIn or a quick email can make a huge impact.
It shows you’re paying attention and that you’re genuinely happy for them. This creates a positive cycle. When you celebrate others, they’ll be more likely to celebrate you.
9. Use Digital Tools Thoughtfully
Social media can be a huge time-waster, but it can also be a powerful tool for connection if you use it right. Don’t just scroll mindlessly. Engage with purpose.
Share valuable content. Comment thoughtfully on other people's posts. Use platforms like LinkedIn to keep up with your contacts’ careers, but don’t let it replace real conversation. Use it as a starting point to reach out personally.
10. Pray for Them
This might be the most powerful and least-used networking tool of all. As my Orthodox Christian faith has become the center of my life, I’ve realized that the greatest gift I can offer someone is prayer. When a colleague is struggling with a project, facing a family issue, or celebrating a victory, I take a moment to pray for them.
You don’t even have to tell them. It’s a silent act of service that connects you to them on a spiritual level. It changes your heart toward them, filling it with compassion instead of competition. For me, this is the ultimate act of "giving first." It strengthens my own faith and builds a foundation of genuine care for the people in my life, both professional and personal.
Building a strong network isn’t a mystery. It’s about treating people with kindness, respect, and genuine interest. It’s about being a good friend.
So, what’s one small step you can take today to build a real connection? Maybe it’s just sending that text to an old friend you’ve been meaning to contact. Go ahead and do it right now.
