20 Tips for Enhancing Emotional Intelligence

My emotions used to run my life. One minute I was fine and the next I was angry or anxious. I would react without thinking. This led me down some dark paths. I struggled with gaming addiction binge eating and other habits that left me feeling empty and out of control. Change felt impossible. I thought I was just an “emotional person” and had to live with it.

I was wrong.

Learning to understand and manage my emotions—what experts call emotional intelligence or EQ—was a game-changer. It wasn’t about suppressing my feelings. It was about learning to listen to them without letting them take the wheel. This journey helped me lose over 110 pounds build a life I’m proud of and find true purpose.

If you feel like your emotions are holding you back I get it. I’ve been there. But you have the power to change that relationship. It starts with small intentional steps. Here are 20 tips that helped me and I hope they can help you too.

It Starts With You: Understanding Your Own Emotions

You can't manage what you don't understand. The first step is to simply get to know yourself better.

  1. Name Your Feelings. Don’t just say “I feel bad.” Dig deeper. Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Anxious? Lonely? Giving a feeling a name takes away some of its power.
  2. Connect Feelings to Triggers. When you feel a strong emotion ask yourself: What just happened? Did someone say something? Did I see something? Finding the cause helps you see patterns.
  3. Keep a Simple Journal. You don’t need to write pages. Just a few lines at the end of the day can work wonders. What went well? What was a struggle? How did you feel?
  4. Recognize Your Body’s Signals. Our bodies often know we’re stressed before our minds do. Is your jaw tight? Is your stomach in knots? These are physical cues telling you to pay attention.
  5. Ask for Honest Feedback. Ask a trusted friend or family member “How did I seem in that conversation?” or “Did I come across as stressed?” Be open to what they say. It can give you a perspective you can’t see on your own.

From Reaction to Response: Managing Your Feelings

Once you start to understand your emotions you can learn to manage them. This is about creating a small space between a feeling and an action.

  1. Embrace the Pause. When you feel a strong emotion coming on stop. Just for a second. Take one slow breath before you speak or act. This tiny pause can change everything.
  2. Find a Healthy Outlet. When I felt overwhelmed I used to turn to food. It was a destructive cycle. Now I go for a walk or do a quick workout. Find a positive replacement for negative coping habits. It channels the energy into something good.
  3. Set Clear Boundaries. It is okay to say no. Protecting your time and energy is not selfish. It is necessary for your well-being.
  4. Celebrate Your Small Wins. When I started my health journey I celebrated losing the first pound. Then the next. Celebrating small victories builds momentum and proves to you that you can do hard things. This applies to everything not just weight loss.
  5. Practice Daily Gratitude. Every day I take a moment to thank God for my blessings big and small. Focusing on what’s good changes your outlook. It shifts your heart from a place of lack to a place of abundance.

Look Outward: Understanding Others

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about you. It’s also about understanding and connecting with the people around you.

  1. Listen to Understand Not Just to Reply. We often listen while planning what we’ll say next. Try to truly hear what the other person is saying from their point of view.
  2. Pay Attention to More Than Words. Watch people’s body language and tone of voice. They often tell you more about how someone feels than their words do.
  3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes. Before you judge someone try to imagine their situation. What might they be going through that is causing them to act this way? A little empathy goes a long way.
  4. Be Fully Present. When you are with someone be with them. Put your phone away. Make eye contact. Give them your full attention. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can offer.
  5. Read the Room. Try to get a sense of the emotional tone of a group or situation. Is it tense? Is it joyful? Is it serious? Adjusting your approach accordingly shows you’re paying attention.

Putting It All Together: Building Better Relationships

Strong relationships are built on a foundation of trust respect and good communication. This is where your emotional intelligence truly shines.

  1. Give Kind and Clear Feedback. If you need to correct someone do it with respect. Be direct but not harsh. Focus on the action not the person.
  2. Apologize Sincerely. When you mess up own it. A real apology doesn’t have excuses. Just say “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” It repairs trust faster than anything else.
  3. Praise Publicly and Correct Privately. Acknowledge people’s good work in front of others. It builds them up. Save criticism for one-on-one conversations.
  4. Address Conflict Directly. Don’t let resentment build. Address problems early and constructively. Focus on finding a solution together not on winning an argument.
  5. Lean on Your Faith. For me my Orthodox Christian faith is the ultimate guide for managing relationships. It teaches me to strive for humility forgiveness and unconditional love. When I struggle with a person I pray for them. I ask God to help me see them as He sees them. This grounds my interactions in something far more stable and loving than my own fleeting emotions.

This journey isn’t about reaching a perfect state of emotional control. It’s a lifelong practice of becoming more aware more compassionate and more connected—to yourself to others and to God. It’s messy and you’ll make mistakes. I still do. But every small step forward is a victory.

So where can you start?

What’s one emotion you’ve been feeling lately that you can try to name and understand today?

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