What If You’re Not Lost—Just Listening for the Right Voice?
We all hit that point.
That fuzzy, uneasy place where we look around and ask ourselves, "What do I really want out of life?" Maybe you're stuck in a job that doesn't light you up anymore. Or scrolling through social media wondering how everyone else seems to have a perfect plan while you're just figuring out what to eat for dinner. (Relatable.)
If that’s where you are, take a breath—you’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re in the messy, beautiful process of becoming. Let’s talk about how to actually figure out what you want in life, without the pressure, the shame, or the noise.
1. Stop Asking “What Should I Want?” And Start Asking “What Feels True?”
From the moment we’re little, the world teaches us to chase shoulds:
- You should want a high-paying job.
- You should want a house by 30.
- You should want kids, or marriage, or to start your own business.
But should will never lead you to your truth.
Instead of asking, “What should I want?” try asking yourself:
“What would I choose if no one was watching?”
This is not some magical question that unlocks all the answers overnight—but it's a powerful compass. Write that question down. Sit with it. Journal it. Take a walk and think about it. Your quieter voice—the one that lives beneath the noise of other people’s opinions—needs space to speak.
💭 You don’t have to know the whole story. Just start listening to your own voice.
2. Clarity Isn’t Found—It’s Created
Many of us wait around for clarity like it’s going to show up Amazon Prime-style at our doorstep.
But the truth is, clarity comes through exploration, not contemplation.
You figure out what you want in life by doing stuff, trying things, and paying attention to how they make you feel.
Did you love helping your friend plan their wedding? Felt alive leading a group project? Couldn’t stop thinking about a new podcast you heard about spirituality or tech or travel? Those are clues—breadcrumbs.
🔍 Try this:
Make a "Curiosity List". For one week, write down anything that genuinely sparks your interest, no matter how random. Cooking show? Startup idea? Hiking trail? Write it down. Then, give yourself permission to follow just one of those threads. You’ll be surprised what starts showing up.
3. Who Are You When You’re Not Performing?
So much of our confusion about what we want is tangled up in identity.
We become so used to wearing masks—being the responsible oldest sibling, the high-achiever, the people-pleaser—that it’s hard to know what’s underneath. But the version of you who’s always performing will never help you see what lights you up.
Here’s a grounding exercise:
👉 Ask yourself, “Who am I when no one needs anything from me?”
Close your eyes if you need to. Imagine a day with no obligations. No social media. No work assignments. Just you. What would you want to do? Where would you go? Who would you want to be around (if anyone)? Get quiet and see what rises to the surface.
That version of you—the one underneath the layers—is a clue.
4. Trade “One Big Dream” for Many Small Experiments
A lot of us freeze because we think we need One Big Life Purpose™. But real life usually doesn’t work like that.
You don’t have to get it right the first time. Or the tenth time.
Many people live rich, fulfilling lives by following a series of breadcrumbs, hunches, and experiments—not one huge, perfect plan.
🌱 Give yourself permission to:
- Start a blog with no followers
- Take a pottery class just because
- Do freelance work in something you think you might enjoy
- Travel to a new place alone
- Volunteer for a cause you care about
The magic happens when you give yourself permission to try without commitment. One of those things might change your life. Or introduce you to someone who does. Or lead to another idea entirely.
That’s not wasted time—it’s your path taking shape.
5. Define Success Your Way
A big part of figuring out what you want is unlearning what “success” is supposed to look like.
Is it really six figures, two kids, and a white picket fence? Maybe. But maybe not.
Maybe for you:
- Success means freedom over your schedule.
- Or finally living without burnout.
- Or being brave enough to tell the truth about who you are.
- Or being surrounded by people you genuinely love.
You get to define this for yourself. In fact, you must, if you want your life to feel like yours.
🔑 Pro tip: Set a timer for 10 minutes and finish this sentence as honestly as you can:
"In my version of a good life, I feel…"
Then keep writing. Don’t censor. Let whatever comes out, come out.
6. Don’t Wait Until You Feel “Ready”
Here’s something I’ve learned from my own (messy, unpredictable, wonderful) journey:
You don’t suddenly wake up one day with all the answers and zero fear.
You figure out what you want by showing up imperfectly and moving through the uncertainty.
That means:
- Starting even when you're nervous
- Saying “yes” to the things that make your chest flutter—in a good way
- Walking away from things that numb you, even if you're afraid of what's next
Read that again: You don’t need to be sure to begin.
Often, the act of choosing helps make the path clearer.
7. Compassion Beats Urgency—Every Time
Last but maybe most importantly: Please be kind to yourself.
You’re not lazy, broken, or behind for not having it all figured out. You’re human. And clarity takes time. Life isn’t a to-do list, and you don’t owe anyone a timeline.
If today all you can do is pause, reflect, or take one micro-step toward something that matters to you—that is enough.
Give yourself grace. Trust the process. And allow space for the answers to unfold as they’re meant to.
Final Thoughts: You Already Know More Than You Think
Here’s the secret: deep down, a part of you already knows what matters. Maybe not the whole picture, but enough to take the next step. The key isn’t forcing the answer—it’s learning to trust your gut, your curiosity, your joy.
This chapter of not-knowing? It’s not a dead-end. It’s a doorway.
And I promise—you’re closer than you think.
Stay curious. Be brave. And know you’re never, ever alone in this.
With love,
– The Good Existence Team 💛
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