Psychologists Warn Against This Common December Mistake

December is often painted as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it can feel like a high-stress obstacle course.

As the days get shorter and the holiday season looms large, I see so many people — myself included, sometimes — falling into the same old trap. We chase a picture-perfect ideal, pile on commitments, and end up more exhausted than joyful. Psychologists have been warning about this for years, identifying a common December mistake: the drive for perfection and the resulting overcommitment, fueled by expectations that are frankly, just not real.

It’s easy to get caught up in the seasonal whirlwind. The festive lights, the carols, the constant advertising showing families laughing around a perfectly set table – it all builds an image of what the holidays should be. And then we internalize that. We start to believe that if our own holiday isn't that picture, we've somehow failed. This pressure comes from all sides: the expectation to find the perfect gift, to attend every social gathering, to cook an elaborate meal, or to simply "be happy" on command.

We see the statistics confirming what we already feel. As of late 2024, heading into 2025, a significant number of adults, specifically two in five (40%) in the U.S., report experiencing higher stress levels during the holiday season. And nearly nine in ten (89%) adults worry about money, missing loved ones, or family arguments. These aren't just minor concerns; they're major stressors that can hijack our peace and turn what should be a time for connection into a source of dread.

The Core Idea: The Peril of Perfect Holidays and Overcommitment

The biggest pitfall we face in December is this relentless pursuit of an idealized holiday. We carry around a mental checklist of what needs to happen to make the season "perfect." This often includes lavish gift-giving, attending every single party, hosting an immaculate dinner, and somehow, making sure everyone around us is having the absolute best time ever. This isn't just external pressure from commercials; it's also internal pressure, a narrative we tell ourselves about what a "good" holiday looks like.

Psychologists tell us that this drive for perfection leads directly to overcommitment. We say "yes" to too many things – extra work projects, volunteer shifts, social engagements, complicated travel plans. We stretch ourselves thin, thinking we can handle it all, but eventually, something has to give. The truth is, perfection is an illusion, a moving target that will always leave us feeling inadequate and exhausted.

As one expert puts it, "The holidays can all too often lead to an increase in anxiety and depression. The most common cause is financial pressure due to traveling and gift-buying… Then there's the challenge of dealing with unrealistic expectations — either yours or someone else's." This perfectly sums up the double whammy: financial strain compounded by the impossible standards we try to meet. We end up spending money we don't have, doing things we don't enjoy, and sacrificing our own well-being for a fleeting image of holiday cheer that rarely materializes exactly as we pictured it.

The Psychological Impact of December Overload

When we're juggling holiday demands – from battling crowds at the mall to decorating the house, from endless social events to constant worries about the budget – it creates a perfect storm for our mental state. This constant multi-tasking and the relentless pace lead to feelings of overwhelm, persistent anxiety, and outright mental exhaustion. Your brain's CEO gets tired, just like you do.

Think about it: Your routine gets thrown out the window. Your sleep patterns get disrupted because you're staying up late wrapping gifts or stressing about tomorrow's to-do list. Nearly 30% of Americans report getting less sleep during the holidays, and I can tell you from personal experience, that lack of rest alone is enough to make everything feel ten times harder. I've often found myself completely wiped out, staring at the ceiling at 3 AM, my mind racing through all the things I still need to get done.

When you're running on fumes, your fuse gets shorter. You might find yourself snapping at loved ones, feeling an underlying current of sadness despite all the "jolly" expectations, or just generally feeling less patient with the world around you. The festive atmosphere can even make these feelings worse because you feel like you should be happy, making the contrast with your actual emotional state even more stark. This isn't just inconvenient; it's a real threat to your emotional stability and can erode the very relationships you're trying to celebrate.

Practical Steps to a Healthier Holiday Season

The good news is you don't have to surrender to the December madness. You can reclaim your holidays by making some intentional choices.

Set Realistic Expectations. This is step one for a reason. Accept right now that not everything will go perfectly. The turkey might be a little dry, the kids might argue, or Uncle Frank might tell that same tired story again. And that's okay. Being ready for imperfections makes them less likely to derail your joy. Aim for "good enough" instead of "perfect."
Prioritize and Set Boundaries. You don't have to say yes to every invitation or take on every task. Look at your calendar, your to-do list, and your energy levels. What truly matters to you? What aligns with your personal values for the season? It's perfectly fine to say "no" to things that don't serve your peace or bring you genuine joy. Protect your time and energy fiercely.
Maintain Healthy Routines. Even when things get hectic, try to stick to your core routines. Keep up with your regular sleep schedule as much as possible, eat nourishing foods, and don't skip your physical activity. These aren't luxuries; they're foundational for your mental and physical well-being. For me, making sure I hit the gym 3x a week is non-negotiable for managing back pain, and it also clears my head in a way nothing else does.
Plan Ahead. Anticipate potential stressors and have a game plan. If family dynamics are tricky, decide in advance how you'll navigate difficult conversations. If you're trying to cut back on alcohol, have a polite refusal ready. A little foresight can save you a lot of stress in the moment.
Seek Support. If you find yourself overwhelmed, don't suffer in silence. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. If the stress feels truly unmanageable, don't hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals. There's strength in knowing when you need a helping hand.

Why These Strategies Work: Reclaiming Your Well-being

These aren't just feel-good suggestions; they are practical tools that empower you to take back control of your holiday experience. By consciously aligning your actions with your personal values, you stop reacting to external pressures and start living intentionally. This is about choosing what truly matters to you, whether that's quiet contemplation, spending quality time with a few loved ones, or simply taking moments for stillness.

When you take proactive steps to manage stress – like ensuring you get enough sleep, maintaining a fitness routine, or stepping away for a few minutes of breath control – your body responds positively. It triggers the release of feel-good chemicals, boosts your mood, and helps counteract the negative effects of stress hormones. These aren't just temporary fixes; they help build resilience that carries you through the busy season and beyond. For me, integrating quiet moments of prayer from the Christian Orthodox tradition into my daily life has been a powerful anchor, offering pockets of stillness amidst the demands of juggling web-dev projects and a family. It grounds me and reminds me of what truly matters, far beyond any superficial holiday obligation.

This approach transforms the holidays from a gauntlet you have to survive into a season you can genuinely enjoy. It's about protecting your peace, honoring your limits, and focusing on genuine connection rather than manufactured perfection.

So, as December rolls around, remember: this isn't about ditching all traditions or becoming a Grinch. It's about being smart, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your well-being. It's about choosing joy over exhaustion, connection over obligation, and real moments over idealized fantasies. Give yourself the gift of a healthier, happier, and more peaceful holiday season. You deserve it.