Sometimes life throws us curveballs that we can’t control, leaving us feeling stuck and frustrated. However, by learning to accept things we can’t change, we can find peace and move forward.
Whether it’s a job loss, the end of a relationship, or a health issue, it’s natural to feel a range of emotions when faced with challenging situations. While it’s important to take action when possible, sometimes the best thing we can do is accept the things we can’t change.
In this article, we’ll explore 5 real ways to accept things you cannot control, with examples to help you apply these strategies in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life.
1. Acknowledge the situation
When faced with difficult situations, it’s natural to feel a sense of resistance and the desire to fight against what we can’t change. However, this resistance can actually make the situation worse by causing stress, anxiety, and a sense of powerlessness.
That’s where acceptance comes in. Acceptance means acknowledging the reality of the situation and letting go of resistance, but it doesn’t mean you’re giving up or not taking action. In fact, acceptance can help you feel more empowered and take action in other areas of your life.
One example of acceptance is the story of Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison for fighting against apartheid in South Africa.
Despite his unjust imprisonment, Mandela maintained a sense of acceptance and resilience. In his autobiography, he wrote:
I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.
Nelson Mandela
Another example of acceptance is the story of Helen Keller, who overcame the challenges of being deaf and blind to become a renowned author and activist. In her autobiography, she wrote:
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller
Despite her limitations, Keller accepted her reality and focused on what she could do, rather than what she couldn’t.
By understanding that acceptance is not the same as giving up, you can learn to let go of resistance and embrace reality.
This doesn’t mean you have to like the situation or stop taking action, but it does mean you can let go of the stress and anxiety that come from fighting against what you can’t change.
As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning” once said:
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor Frankl
Acceptance is the first step towards that change.
2. Recognize Negative Thoughts
Recognize and challenge negative thoughts: When faced with a situation you can’t change, it’s common to experience negative thoughts and emotions.
However, these thoughts can often be irrational or unhelpful and can make it harder to accept the situation. By recognizing and challenging unwanted thoughts, you can gain a better perspective on the situation and feel more at peace with it.
For example, let’s say you didn’t get the job you applied for. You might think, “I’m never going to find a job” or “I’m not good enough for this kind of work.”
These thoughts can be harmful and may not be based in reality.
Instead, you can challenge them by asking yourself questions like, “Is it true that I’ll never find a job?” or “What evidence is there that I’m not good enough for this work?” This can help you see the situation more objectively and reduce the power of negative thoughts.
Another way to challenge negative thoughts is to reframe them in a more positive light. Instead of thinking, “I didn’t get the job” you could reframe it as, “This job wasn’t the right fit for me.” This can help you feel more optimistic and empowered and can make it easier to accept the situation.
By recognizing and challenging negative thoughts, you can cultivate a more positive and accepting mindset, which can help you navigate difficult situations with greater ease and resilience.
Recommended Read: How to Deal With Unwanted Thoughts
3. Shift your focus to what you can control
Identify actionable steps: When you’re faced with a situation you can’t change, it’s easy to feel helpless and out of control.
However, there are often actionable steps you can take to improve the situation, even if it’s just a small step. If you can identify these steps, you can regain a sense of control and feel more inspired to look forward to the future.
For example, let’s say you’re struggling with a chronic illness that can’t be cured. While you may not be able to change the fact that you have the illness, there are still things you can do to improve your quality of life.
You could research treatments and therapies that may help manage your symptoms, or you could focus on making healthy lifestyle changes, such as eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly.
By identifying actionable steps, you can take control of the aspects of the situation that you can change.
Another way to shift your focus to what you can control is to set goals. By setting specific, achievable goals, you can focus your energy on making progress toward something tangible.
For example, if you’re unhappy with your job but can’t change the company’s policies, you could set a goal to update your resume and start applying to other jobs.
This can help you feel more motivated and in control, even if the situation as a whole is out of your hands.
By shifting your focus to what you can control and identifying actionable steps, you can feel more empowered and proactive in difficult situations, which can help you accept the things you can’t change with greater ease.
4. Practice self-compassion
One of the most important things to remember when accepting things you can’t change is to practice self-compassion.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience. This can be tough when faced with a difficult situation or a challenging problem, but it’s crucial to acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can with the resources and tools you have available to you.
Research has shown that self-compassion can help improve psychological well-being and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.
When we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, we’re less likely to ruminate on negative thoughts or emotions and more likely to feel a sense of acceptance and peace.
One way to practice self-compassion is to speak to yourself in the same way you would speak to a friend who is going through a difficult time.
For example, instead of criticizing yourself for not being able to change a certain situation, try saying something like: “This is a really tough situation, and it’s okay that I’m struggling. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
Another way to practice self-compassion is to engage in self-care activities, such as exercise, or spending time with loved ones. By taking care of yourself and focusing on activities that bring you joy and relaxation, you’re showing yourself kindness and prioritizing your well-being.
As Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion said:
With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend. This allows us to respond to our own suffering with warmth, concern, and understanding, rather than ignoring it or hurting ourselves further.
Kristin Neff
So remember, practicing self-compassion is a crucial component of accepting things you can’t change and moving forward with resilience and grace.
5. Find comfort in prayer and faith
For Christians, turning to prayer and faith can provide comfort and acceptance in times of uncertainty and difficulty. Daily Prayer can offer a way to communicate with God, express emotions, and ask for guidance and strength.
In the Bible, Jesus teaches his followers to trust in God’s plan and to have faith in His power to provide comfort and strength in difficult times.
For example, in the book of Philippians, the apostle Paul encourages believers to:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7, NIV
By turning to prayer and faith, Christians can find peace and acceptance in situations that are beyond their control. Rather than trying to fight against circumstances that can’t be changed, they can trust in God’s plan and find comfort in His love and provision.
The Serenity Prayer is a popular prayer that is often recited by individuals seeking the ability to accept things they cannot change. This prayer has been widely used in self-help groups, addiction treatment, and mental health therapy. It goes:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
The Serenity Prayer reminds us that there are certain things we can change, but there are also things that are beyond our control. By focusing our energy on the things we can control and letting go of the things we cannot, we can experience greater peace and contentment in our lives.
This prayer can be a powerful tool for acceptance, providing a framework for acknowledging the reality of a situation while also empowering us to take action where we can.
Of course, finding comfort in prayer and faith is a personal decision, and individuals may have different beliefs and practices. However, for Christians, prayer and faith can be a powerful way to accept the things they can’t change and find peace in the midst of difficult situations.
Final Words
Accepting things you can’t change can be difficult, but it’s an important skill to cultivate. By understanding that acceptance is not the same as giving up, praying, shifting your focus to what you can control, practicing self-compassion, and recognizing negative thoughts, you can learn to let go of resistance and embrace reality.
Remember, it’s okay to feel a range of emotions when faced with challenging situations, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength.
If you try and apply these strategies and examples to your own life, you can learn to accept the things you can’t change and move forward with a sense of peace and empowerment.
Recommended Read: How to Deal With Difficult People
Frequently Asked Questions About Acceptance
No, acceptance is not the same as giving up. Acceptance means acknowledging the reality of a situation and letting go of resistance, but it doesn’t mean you’re giving up or not taking action.
In fact, accepting things you can’t change can help you feel more empowered and take action in other areas of your life.
Acceptance can be a challenging process, and it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or a professional if needed. Practicing self-compassion and shifting your focus to what you can control can also be helpful strategies.
Remember, it’s okay to feel a range of emotions when faced with challenging situations, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength.
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The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as medical advice. Consult with a healthcare professional for personalized guidance and to discuss the risks and benefits of any treatment.
